


who could it be now

by mwestbelle



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A Wizard Did It, Centaurs, Crack, Gen, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 19:52:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1359781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mwestbelle/pseuds/mwestbelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A wizard reveals the Avengers as they really are. Thor gives them a bit of a surprise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	who could it be now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anoneknewmoose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoneknewmoose/gifts).



> A dopey ficlet for Misha's birthday <3

By the time the smoke clears, the wizard is gone. An honest-to-god wizard with a beard and pointy hat and everything, who probably just gave everybody lung cancer with his crazy cloud of purple smoke. It seems to be a diversionary tactic, but once the field of vision is clear, it's obvious that more mischief was afoot.

Steve is small again, wheezing into his fist and practically swimming in a uniform that's now way too big for him. Bruce seems to be halfway through a transformation, partway between man and Hulk. Tony, Clint, and Natasha are, to all appearances, exactly the same as they were before.

There's the unmistakable clopping of hooves.

"My friends, are you all well?"

"Thor," Tony says, opening up his visor. "Are you a fucking centaur?"

"Am I?" Thor looks down at himself. He is definitely the head, shoulders, and torso of Thor Odinson, but where his hips should be is the body of a horse. A strong, thick horse, palomino with white markings on its legs. "Is this not as I normally appear to you?"

"No," Steve says. His voice sounds the same; it's surreal to have it coming out of that tiny body. "I think we would have noticed if you were usually a centaur."

Thor laughs, deep and booming. "Ah, I forget myself, friends. When we travel the realms, my people appear in a guise that the inhabitants would recognize as friendly."

"So really have been a centaur this whole time?" Tony wishes he had his cell phone. He can take images through the suit, of course, but it's not hooked up to Instagram. He should get on that.

"So it would seem," Thor rumbles, cheerfully unconcerned. Bruce, looking stretched and greenish, walks over and rubs at the place where Thor's skin meets bristley hair. Thor's tail lifts and one of his massive hooves paws the ground.

"Sorry." Bruce's voice sounds a bit rougher than normal, and he pulls his hand back. "I think I've...lost some impulse control."

"It is of no matter." Thor claps a friendly hand on Bruce's shoulder, though rather from higher up than usual. "Your curiosity flatters me."

Natasha says something in Russian; Clint laughs but doesn't translate. Steve looks deeply put upon, like usual, even though he's about half his usual size.

"Thor, I'm not sure if we can get you back to the tower like this. Or...if the tower can even accommodate you."

"It has been too long since I last properly felt the sun on my haunches," Thor says. "I do not mind."

Which is how a Norse centaur ends up in Central Park. He draws plenty of attention, and that's before people get close enough to recognize him. To Thor's credit, he lays down carefully, folding his big powerful legs under himself with surprising grace. A few little girls break free from their parents; they seem quite enraptured with a man who is both a superhero _and_ a pony.

Steve stations himself next to Thor like a bouncer; he looks like a strong wind would probably knock him over, but no one tries to get past him. He's still got the disapproving Captain America Glare. After a few hours, both he and Thor are sporting flower crowns crafted by Thor's new admirers. Thor also has some flowers braided into his beard and his tail and seems rather pleased about the whole thing.

The girls have to go as twilight begins to fall, and soon it's just the Avengers, sitting in the soft grass. It's still warm, a summer breeze rifling through the petals in Thor's hair.

"We've been turned into our true selves," Steve says, finally, in the silence. "You're all...who you are. But Thor is a centaur. And I'm this, and Bruce..."

He trails off awkwardly, but Bruce, who has been quiet most of the day, nods. "I'm someone...in between."

Thor makes a sound that almost sounds like a whinny. "I consider it a great pleasure to know my brothers in arms more deeply. I only wish that these revelations would have come as we chose. Perhaps while sharing mead."

"We can still have mead," Tony pipes up. "Clint, how far is the nearest liquor store?"

It turns out that the nearest liquor store doesn't sell mead, but no one is especially disappointed when Clint comes back with a six-pack instead.

They watch the sunset behind the skyscrapers and the trees, slowly turning the world purple and orange as they sip. Thor, it turns out, is very warm and comfortable to lean against in this form.


End file.
